I've had the closest thing to a scare in my life, went for an MRI for a series of migraines and the results came back just fine. But I won't lie, there were a period of a couple of days where I felt that inebriated feeling of "What if". Trying to picture where my life "might be", how my "children might be", how life will just go on!
Arkansas has been a very trying time on my brain. In fact, just to resurrect, the last year and a half has been a trying to time on my life! Here I was living in Michigan, in our perfect little house, with our perfect little life and our perfect little friends, and then...BAM!!!! Just kidding, life is not so perfect.
We went through some stuff in California, my husband and I really tested the strength of our relationship while we were there, and I don't mean in a "divorce" kind of way, I mean in a way where you come out the other side and say, this is excatly why I married this person!
So we are now in Arkansas, and I can a make all sorts of jokes about this place, and the people that surround me, but I oddly find myself settling into a life that is awkwardly so very nice!
I accepted a job teaching, in retrospect, saw one of my old students in her "National Tour" debut that awkwardly opened up in Arkansas! Seeing her confirmed what was truly deep down in my heart but I was fighting for a long time!
I am HAPPY! For the first time I looked on the stage and saw those actors and truly appreciated them for what they did, and not what I could've done! For a long time, I would go to shows, or concerts and wish I were on that stage doing it better! But watching one of my students up there, it made me proud. I came home, took a long hard look at my children, my husband, my life, and felt a sense of relief!
It confirmed what I knew deep down inside all along, my purpose in life is not to be the one on stage but to guide the ones that need to be there. To be the one that has strength for others! Going to class today, and bringing out in these kids, what needs to be brought, its a sense of accomplishment! I work harder at trying to be a better teacher! I work harder at trying to be a better mother, I work harder at trying to be a better person!
So I thank God, that I had this scare in my life, because it made me put things into perspective. I have a purpose in life, I can't waste it! I can't linger in the negative, and I need to see the bright side of life! I would rather observe this life from where I am then any place else! And I thank God every day for my husband, my children, my "Sanity" and my chance in life to "make a difference".
SO, as I settle into this life in the Ozarks, I realize, I'm not that different from the people surrounding me, I actually love my neighbors, my babysitter who feeds my kids pudding and popcorn for dinner, because this is all part of God's plan. And I have learned to start embracing every moment as a life lesson! A lesson I need to apply, a lesson that is given to me as a gift!
